Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Xmas Greeting to the North!

We are pleased to send our fraternal greetings to residents of the Frozen Wastelands of the North, especially those of the new site "Manchester's Advanced Drivers", which is "dedicated to the drivers of Manchester who take the art of driving beyond the norm."

We will await to see whether the photographs are really of driving "beyond the norm" or merely, as they are in Bristol, driving in a way more advanced than the eighty-years-out-of-date highway code tells you

Manchester Drivers, we welcome you!

Thursday, 15 December 2011

The Mayor's Motor pays the bollard tax

According to the Evening Post (so it must be true), the Mayor's Car was driven into a bollard that should have got out of the way.

We extend our sympathies to the mayor -but at least he doesn't have to resort to public transport, as he has managed to sort out a replacement. We hope the bollard has third party insurance to cover this. If it was in any way damaged, it is the bollard's fault for being in the middle of the road and not being covered in hi-viz.

If the car really is written off, it may only be remembered in its two Bristol Traffic articles, one showing secret cabot circus parking, and another by a pub.

Let us mourn it. It shall not grace our pages again,

Regarding all those very unsympathetic comments where everyone seems to be against getting a new car on the basis that buying a second ford-fiesta with a non-personalised number plate and selling the AE1 plate off would actually earn money - fails to recognise the symbolic role of the mayor. Like the Crown herself, the mayor is a powerless figurehead whose role is to attend meaningless publicity events in vehicles that reflect the fact that the UK is a fading power.

As for the comments that the mayor should be riding a bicycle, remember that Cllr Gollup is the offical evening post spokesman of the Bikelash. He does not cycle.

Monday, 12 December 2011

High Kingsdown Shared Space Proposals

There are proposals afoot to turn Kingsdown by (the excellent) Highbury Vaults into a shared space. We somewhat support this.

Looking at the Lockleaze shared space, they've completey managed to eliminate the pavement area.

This avoid the problem of not being able to park right next to your front door, being forced to leave a small gap just for the sake of politeness, as the AA driving school car GD11ETF has had to do.
It also avoids the conflict between people cycling on the pavement
Where they are risk of damaging our vans

Saturday, 10 December 2011

Ticketing: its for your own good

Here in St Andrews Road, Montpelier, we are shocked to see two cars getting tickets for being slightly on the pavement

slightly shocked, but not completely surprised. As there is almost enough space for someone to walk by on the inside
That will hinder passing traffic
And as can be seen here on upper Cheltenham Place, if you don't get fully on the pavement, you get to pay the wingmirror tax.

Note that vehicles in these photos include a fiat, a VW and at least one Vaxhall Astra -built in the UK to a German design.

Now that Cameron has finally stood up to the European oppressors with their plans for friendship and co-operation across countries, we hope that the owners of these vehicles will recognise the error of their ways and buy morris minors. Say goodbye to vehicles that start every morning! Say goodbye to driving over 60 mph on the motorway! these are un-British!

Sunday, 4 December 2011

Bristol Saracens: the official home of Bristol Paveparking (oh and rugby)

Bristol has some rugby teams. Not well known, because they don't do much to draw attention.

Yet here, from redvee2002, we see how supportive the Bristol Saracens Rugby Team are of their community, by celebrating the art of paveparking!
Nobody can pavepark like a Bristolian. Aberdeen Cars: copy that if you can!

For outsiders, the dual carriageway on the right leads to the M5 and the Shopping Paradise that is Cribbs Causeway. It was untainted by riots in the summer as it is not within walking distance of anywhere. The bike path alongside the dual carriageway is intended to permit even poor people to come and shop. But as these cyclists, even the fit-healthy and affluent ones, cannot buy 42" 3D plasma Freeview HD televisions on the basis they can't get them home, these people just don't bring enough money to the region. Rugby spectators are far more welcome, as after the match they can head up the road and keep the economy afloat by using their credit card to pick up something expensive they didn't really need.

Thursday, 1 December 2011

Pop-up shop elitism

Trend of the month: pop up shops, in empty store fronts, rent-for-the-day cafes, and around our streets. Everyone is talking about these

Except, Bristol's traditional pop-up retails are being given a harder time than ever before, as signs on Fox Road now warn you that your details will be passed on the police.

What details? That a white van with no wing mirrors pulled up? What do you expect? Have you ever tried paid-for-sex on the back of a #20 FirstBus bus? There's the half hour wait, the extra costs and the kids filming you with their phones and sticking it up on youtube later. Then you are stuck somewhere waiting for the next bus home.

No, never do that again.

Anyway, this shows how elitist  his pop-up shop theme is
  • stall in stokes croft selling local bread: welcome
  • Local vendors of sex: criminals
  • City-centre market selling finely curated local cheese: welcome
  • man in Picton Square selling finely curated local ganga: criminal
  • cafe selling premium fair-trade coffees imported from South America: welcome
  • street outlet selling cocaine-products imported from South America: criminal
See what we mean? Those of us who work in the sex- and drugs trades are being unfairly discriminated against.

And that's without considering that the cost of fuel has killed all the surburban customer trade, those people who would drive down from Emerson's Green and Bradley Stoke in search of a bit of low-cost sexual gratification and some recreational pharmaceuticals. That customer base has collapsed as bad for us as it did for best-buy and Cribb's Causeway.

Yet neither the local council or central government have recognised the role our industry has in Britain today. It's unfair.